Not once I’ve heard that we tend to self-sabotage our own success, because we don’t want to leave the comfort of a struggle. I think I finally understand what it means to self-sabotage my own success.
All my life I’ve been struggling. First childhood, then school and professional sports, then university and finally work. Rolling from one goal to the next, through ongoing hard work and struggle, I’ve been really good at it. When I had hard challenges in my life I worked the hardest, I was the most efficient at what I did and life seemed to be full… of struggle.
Now I’m at the point of my life where I’ve arrived – I have succeeded. I don’t have any more exams, I don’t have a boss to worry about, etc. — I have total freedom to do whatever I want. And it’s so damn hard. It was so much easier when I had the comfort of having the life set challenge after challenge for me.
Now I realize that this time life presented the hardest challenge of all – having no challenge. It comes in a form of a huge discomfort and anxiety. A different kind of anxiety. I do everything in order to stop myself from succeeding and to go back to the comfortable work-through-the-challenge state. I realize that I can be a way more successful than I’m now, but my body also realizes that it’ll be even more challenging for me to be there.
I observe my brain spinning like crazy trying to come up with new ideas, new challenges, new quests… trying to save me from feeling uncomfortable. That reminds me of Wayne Dyer’s “human being vs. human doer” talk, I just can’t “be”, I have to “do” something all the time to feel good – I’m a true “human doer“.
I’m off to feel uncomfortable and not run away from it. I know that once I go through it, the next stage would be peace. Just peace.